


The Core of My Being

by flinchflower



Series: Slash Me Twice [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Introspection, M/M, Wincest - Freeform, faith - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-13
Updated: 2011-10-13
Packaged: 2017-10-24 13:49:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/264153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flinchflower/pseuds/flinchflower
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt 3: Truth. Sam Winchester is a hell of a man, and John and Dean are learning to recognize it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Core of My Being

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Not for profit, simply a writing exercise. Herein lies Dean/Sam slash, in an AU timeline where John did not lose his life. John appears in parental context only.

Sometimes, a person has a tangible core to their being. Samuel Winchester’s one of those people. His family has changed their mind many times about what that core is, but now that Sam’s grown, it’s coming clear to Dean and John.

They used to think it was trust, when Sam was just a toddler, cruising around the furniture and clinging to the legs of their jeans – sometimes knocking Dean off balance - because when you’re five, like Dean was when the kid started walking… Dad always said sometimes you grow a little too quick to adjust to how your body moves, and Sam adding himself to Dean like that? Well, it was kind of like one of those sudden growth spurts. And Sam never cried when he fell, just tumbled back up and raced for Dad or Dean, trust shining in those big eyes.

As a child, he was always exuberant in a way that Dean never was, though somehow Dean managed to cushion all the shushing John did so that it never dampened that enthusiasm – just made it a little more quiet. They couldn’t quite think of him as happy-go-lucky, because there were spates of tears and tantrums, but exuberant? That fit. It always gave him away when there was some wrongdoing afoot, like the two boys trying to sneak out to the movies in the middle of being grounded. Dad would ask questions, and Sam’s eyes would sparkle at just the wrong moment.

Sam’s teen years worried John the most, because the only thing he ever heard from Sam, or saw in the boy’s eyes was criticism and hurt. Late at night, when Dean was sleeping, John would wonder if Sam existed just to express the family’s pain, to drive it home to the other two so they didn’t forget it. The only reason he let Sam walk out the door to Stanford was because he saw some other fire back there, and knew that fire needed a chance to kindle so the boy didn’t turn out bitter and sour. Telling Sam to not come back, well, it was a challenge - John Winchester needed to know when his son grew up, and knew that if Sam ever faced that order down, he’d know the boy had turned into a man.

Dean began to suspect long before John did, what that core to Sam might be. He’s with Sam more when they’re asking questions of the locals, sees how Sam avoids the flagrant lies that Dean’s so good at telling, because the older boy’s charisma helps pull it off. He’s the one who saw Sam’s eyes, the long hours in the library, or at the laptop, the glow there while the kid is searching. It’s how he knows that their relationship is solid, knows the depth of feeling between the two of them isn’t some manipulation.

John’s suspicions grew the time they had a long layover period waiting for injuries to heal, with a friend who had a deep library. He watched Sam study, listened closer to Dean’s stories of how they handled certain hunts. Since then, he’s lured his youngest boy into moral debates, debates that have hair fine points upon them, all couched in the terms of the hunt, of course. It’s the center of John’s regret some nights, because the boy would have made a damn fine lawyer – John’s only comfort is that one of these days when Sam’s ready, he’s gonna try and see that it’s a possibility.

Sam Winchester is the best at one thing. It shows up in how he handles people, asks questions, in the choices he made when he was driving at the straight and sure at Stanford. It reveals its face in the glow it brings to the boy’s face when he’s researching for John and Dean, and they know the exactitude of that core, when he turns to them when he’s found the answers, and shares out the truth. Because that’s what’s at the core of Sam Winchester. It’s the truth, and there never was any room in him for a lie.

**Author's Note:**

> Enigma - Silence Must Be Heard


End file.
